Friday, July 29, 2005

"Bring a towel; I haven't scotchguarded the seats."

You know, it's amazing how private a space the inside of a car becomes when you're on the freeway. A place to sing out loud, talk to yourself, think your deepest thoughts. Whatever.

A friend in college once called it a personal snowglobe. A little universe, inhabitants: You, and maybe the person riding shotgun.

It's easy to get lost in there, if all you really focus on is your own globe's contents.

But you've got to ask yourself:

All those other universes, rocketing down the pike at 65 mph...What do you miss by not taking the opportunity to look up, look in as they pass?

All manner of thing could be passing you by, and you'd never even know.

I've decided: Driving with the windows down is nicer when you can feel the air across more of your skin than just your face. And this city is a lot prettier when viewed through an endorphine haze.

Monday, July 11, 2005

back through the old notebooks...

Unabridged

Once upon a time, I could spend hours in the company of your voice.
I'd come knocking on your door in the dark of night, hair wet, eyes wide
And you'd let me in to the light and warmth of your world
For however long it took me to dry and remember where I put my courage

You would read to me from the book of your experience,
The good, the bad, the unusual, the mundane,
The explicit, the subtle...
All of it, unabridged.

And when you asked, I gave you the same tour of my mental dwellings,
The same free run of my mnemonic library.
Sixty miles apart, we lived together in the most intimate spaces known:
The spaces between breath and thought.

I think it is that which I most miss.

Your scent catches me unawares sometimes,
Wafting up from my computer's fan or my sofa's upholstry,
But I can pass it by.

The taste of you blossoms in my mouth now and then,
And I stroke tongue to hard palatte to savor it,
But I can let it fade.

Even the vibration of your appreciative purrs against my back
Or the dry hiss of the soles of your feet on my calves,
I can commend to someone else's back, someone else's calves,
And wish her joy in them as I had joy in them.

But.
I think sometimes
I will spend the rest of my life
Searching
For the hairbrush and
Green knee-sock that
Were lost to me
When you began picking
Which
Words
You used
When we spoke.

09MAR05
21:22

(don't worry, guys; Poetry night won't be a regular thing. I just came across this one and felt like tossing it up.
~*l.)

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Staking a claim...

When he gets out of bed, I sprawl across it, claiming all of his side, most of mine, and some of what's left around the feet. And give him the pouncy kitten look.

He turns, gives me the eyebrow. "What?" he asks, amused and wary.

"My bed." Blue eyes dance the challenge.
Green-gold ones focus like a hunting wolf. "Oh really?"

Yes indeed. I'm in trouble. "Mmhm. I hereby claim this as My Bed."

"You do, do you?" Cigarettes, lighter, and ashtray in hand, he smiles calmly. "Well, will you do me the honor of allowing me space to sit and smoke on your bed while we see what can be done about this?"

"Of course; never let it be said that we were unreasonable." I give him just enough space for a hip and an ashtray.

"Now," he says, exhaling that first lungful of smoke, "It seems to me we've got two options here. I think it's my bed. So I can either hold you down and take it by force. Or I can use a diplomat's silver tongue. Do you have a preference?"

"I think it's my bed. You can do what you will."

"So be it."

Cigarette to ashtray, ashtray to dresser. Feet to floor, and I'm in for it now.

He uproots the sheet and comforter from the foot of the bed and crawls beneath them.
"Undercover agent?"
"Best way to infiltrate an area."
Warm hands to the insides of my thighs, and push to make way. My world expands and contracts to consist of little more than his lips, teeth, tongue, and thumbs gently stroking, nipping, suckling... I arch for more; he eases back. The rumble of his laughter rolls up to me in the sweetest possible way.

"Whose bed is it?" he asks, thumb pressed to my clit and not moving.
... ... ...---... "Our bed?"

He laughs and goes back to teasing me. I wish I had words for how well I love the shape of his brows, the fall of his hair. Right down to the length of his nose. I wish I had words for how madly happy I am that he enjoys tasting me as much as I enjoy being tasted. That familiar languid heaviness is building, though, and being tasted and teased is slowly becoming not-quite-enough.

And he knows it.

One look at the feral smile he tilts at me as he rises from the disputed territory and leaves the room tells me so.

"You know, baby," I call after him, "I think you may've hit on a brilliant diplomatic technique. Invade, make the natives like having you there, then leave and make them ask you to come back and take over."

"Devious, ain't it?" he answers, smirking in the doorframe and flicking a condom wrapper.
"You're an e-ville man, babe."
"And you like it. So. Does this mean you want me back?"
"Yes, I think it does."
He sheaths himself and stands at the foot of the bed.
"And whose bed is it?"

Damn.
I hedge. He goes back to lazy circles with his tongue.
God, I can't take this any more.

"Yours. It's your bed."
Lupine triumph paints his face as he lifts it from between my thighs. "Damn right it is."
Before I can draw breath to negotiate the terms of my surrender, he's inside me, straight to the hilt, pushing all thought of breathing right out of my system. Hands on my wrists, he looks me in the eye as he withdraws slowly and drives right back. Intense and intentional, once. Twice. Three times and I've got to break the eye contact. You win. Youwinyouwinyouwin, and I've never enjoyed losing like this.

"My bed?"
"Yes. Your bed. I'm about to start negotiating to be allowed to stay in it."
"That can be arranged. Never let it be said that we were unreasonable."
...
...
...
Afterward, we're lying exhausted, sweaty, and sore, snickering about how well that little coup went.
"One more thing to make it official, though," he says, propping himself up on his elbow to look down at me.
"Oh?"
He rolls me over onto my back and quietly takes my throat in his jaws, presses just enough to show teeth. I stay still until he lets go. And in the quiet spaces where prayer happens, someone laughs and something clicks into its right place.

Happy Independence Day.
I don't have to be absolute alpha anymore.
And there's a funny kind of freedom in that.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Our forefathers were probably drafting the Declaration on the 3rd...

The hemp is rougher than I'd expected. Looking down at it as he lays it round my ribcage, I see tiny wee shakers just waiting to be rubbed to dust. If I focus, I can feel them individually. But that takes me too far from now, and now is new and worthy of being fully experienced.

He tightens the first loops beneath my breasts and, mainly to be difficult and see what it'll net me, I inhale. Second loops above my breasts, he tightens... and then curses quietly at the slack in the first. That eye turns on me, one brow raised. "Breath games, Luca? Do you want my knee in your back?" He's smiling, though, so I know he's remembering the occasional ornery-horse-and-loose-girth-strap comments. There's hope. He unwinds what's been done and I exhale to a decent point.

He tightens just past it.
We both know where we stand now.
I smile quietly as I stand, holding my hair out of the way. That was the look in his eye I've been looking for. And this is enjoyable.

God knows how long it takes to tie the whole pattern. What would've been a chest harness becomes karada, with the knots nestled peacefully over my chakras--and I wonder if anyone else ever noticed that? I'm still as a tree with my hands in my hair, flowing with the tug and constrict, and very aware of every breath I take. Breathe into the chest, feel the ropes like his arms around the ribcage--this far, no further; breathe into the stomach like your choir teacher always wanted you to do, feel the ropes press gradually into those soft layers of muscle and tissue, press like his hand at the small of your back--steady now; steady. Exhale, feel the slack. Exhale further, see how much more slack you can make. Enough room to slip the rope through for one more variation? Enough to admit strong fingers? Fifty feet of virgin hemp hums and slides around itself around me, and I'm quietly getting stoned on it.

By the end of it, my thighs are anchored to my torso. One ankle is anchored to its thigh; the other floats free for balance. My arms are free, but the rest of me is trussed like a roast.

The last time I felt this good was when I got my tattoo.
Like the tattoo, I want more of this.

And it hits me: tomorrow's Independence Day.

Yes. Afterward, there were indeed fireworks.